Recently in Movies Category

As I watch the Mortal Kombat movie for the umpteenth time, I finally figure out what's bothered me about it for all these years.

I never pictured Raiden as being a guy with a listhp. Of course, I can't piss on Christopher Lambert too much, he's been in some of the best "bad" movies ever made.

(some spoilers, but does it really matter?)

So, I finally saw Showgirls. After years of hearing how I have to see it because it's one of the most spectacular crappy movies of all time (albiet entertaining crap), Leslie NetFlixed it.

In case you were wondering, yes, it was *that bad*. From Elizabeth Berkley's ridiculous amount of overacting to a plot that really didn't make that much damn sense. It was just terrible. But, unlike Gigli, it was an entertaining trainwreck to see (and not just because of the proliferation of boobies everywhere, but it didn't hurt, obviously). And really, compared to Verhoven's follow-up Starship Troopers, this was practically a masterpiece.

But what really bothered me was the last third of the movie. The first two-thirds at least had some sensibility and continuity, but around the end, I was just stuck in a perpetual bliss of WTFness. Like, why did the rock star guy who seemed perfectly nice suddenly brutally gang-rape Nomi's (Berkeley) infatuated roommate? In the end, Nomi, reaching the pinnacle of her career and at the point where her dreams are coming true, just goes and hitchhikes her ass out of Las Vegas. Why? That makes no damn sense. There's no explanation whatsoever.

The sex scene between Kyle McLaghlin and Berkley is about the least erotic pool sex scene ever done in a movie. Berkley looked more like she was having a mechanical bull ride induced seizure than anything remotely resembling sexual pleasure.

Oh, and the big twist, that Nomi in a past life was a crack whore with a broken family was a REAL SHOCKER. I mean, it had only been hinted at throughout the ENTIRE FILM.

I mean, it's Joe Eszterhas writing, so I'm not expecting masterful levels of continuity, but, c'mon. Eszterhas' Flashdance made more sense than this movie. Of course, Flashdance didn't have boobies.

Anyway, this movie was a steaming pile of crapulence, but see it, at least once. If nothing else, Berkley's hilarious overacting and mugging for the camera makes it quite the unintentional comedy. Oh, and there's lots of boobies, too. Did I mention that? This is one of the better awful-yet-entertaining movies that I've seen.

.. was fucking terrible.

How the Wachowski not-really-Brothers-anymore ever managed to so massively fuck up what could have been a great trilogy, I have no idea, but after the first film, boy did it go to shit. I mean from the opening minutes of this film it was clear the depths of self-parody that this series had sunk into. Yeah, I know, welcome to last year, but hey, I'm not complaining about passing on seeing it in the theaters and just NetFlixing it instead.

Now I hear rumors of a 9 DVD set in the works. That means, what, 3 for the movies, 1 for Annimatrix, and then, what, 5 more to explain what the fuck is going on? Who the hell knows. The original movie's DVD pretty much blew the lid off of all of the movie's secrets, and the only really cool part of Reloaded and Revolutions combined was the car chase (filmed a couple of miles away from my old apartment). Everything else was pure CGI marathon masturbation.

Oh well, back to work.

So, according to MSN Entertainment News, Charlize Theron will star as Aeon Flux in a live action remake of the series.

The fuck?

Must movie studios ruin everything cool and animated by making it live action? Case in point. Live. Action. Akira.

*sigh*

Ok, that aside it was quite enjoyable, but in my opinion it really started to drag in the last 30 minutes..

That's all you'll get from me.

[This was written for my Cinèblog -- which I'm probably going to stop updating as it feels like a failed experiment, so I'm updating my regular weblog with this]

I don't find much appealing about your standard assembly-line, silicone enhanced movie actresses. So, for your enjoyment, I present to you, in no particular order my Adam's Top 5 6 7 List of hottest actresses in movies today.

[This was written for my Cinèblog -- which I'm probably going to scrap as it feels like a failed experiment, so I'm updating my regular weblog with this]

Leslie wanted to see this, and I had a passing interest in it so we went to the Whorehouse and bought it. My review follows..

I'm sure this is old news by now, but someone on Rory's message board posted a link to this page analyzing the deeper points of Matrix Reload. Was an interesting read, indeed. Regardless of the accuracy of this person's analysis, it's always interesting reading what other people think is the "true meaning" of complex topics. For the record, it sounds reasonable enough to me.

It's fascinating what people can read into things. Hell, I've read 20-page essays analyzing what the truth is behind 2001: A Space Odyssey and Don McClean's American Pie. Let's not forget "Paul is Dead."

Some people can just have too much time on their hands. :)

Stayed up all night last night watching the Season 2 DVD for Oz -- and man did it kick ass. I can't wait for Season 3 to come out on DVD. Forget pro-wrestling, this is a true male soap opera. Add in how much the WWE has sucked balls the past year, it's good to have an alternative. Everything from the writing to acting is top notch. If you have a strong stomach, and are into prison dramas, this is the show for you.